‘Self-harm to sure hope’ – Beth’s story
Vulnerable. Alone. Broken. That was me, Beth, aged 15.
School’s always been difficult for me, but a couple of years ago it just got too much. Being singled out and having almost no friends was becoming a daily routine and my attendance dropped drastically.
Having no hope, trying to be one of the popular ones seemed to be the answer. So that’s what I did – smoking, drinking and seeking male attention almost every single night. But life didn’t get any better. In fact, people were telling me I’d changed and so I lost the friends I had.
I needed to find another solution and remember the day I thought I’d found it. I took a blade to my arms. I just felt confused and angry. Looking at myself, I couldn’t see the ‘beautiful’ girl everyone talked about.
It got to a point where I had to cover up my mirror just because I couldn’t look at myself anymore. I wouldn’t go out in public and began to starve myself to the point where I started to feel ill around food. My anger was expressed daily, verbally abusing my family and wrecking the house, the one place I felt safe.
Being brought up in a Christian household since the age of five, I was going to church as a kid but as a family we just couldn’t find the right church. After all this, I had lost all faith in Jesus. Daily I was telling myself how stupid I was and how people were right saying Jesus wasn’t there.
Finally came a reason to not be in school. I did my work experience at The Message and got involved with Genetik Sessions. I spent the week with people who actually valued me, encouraged my talents and shared Jesus’ love. From this experience, I found out I had a talent I never knew I had – drumming!
We finally settled into a good church and my parents took me along to Ivy Manchester where I started to learn about God’s unconditional love. The amount of people that were praying for me was incredible.
Where am I now? After prayer, I have been baptised. I am a regular at my church and am a part of the youth. I now have the best friends in the world! I am at a different school which is a centre for the broken and it’s incredible. I prayed with a girl there who then became a Christian. My confidence is greater than ever and I shared my testimony at Prayer Storm in front of hundreds of people.
I know Jesus carried me through this to help others when I’m older. It wasn’t a mistake. God is still healing me and on this journey with me. For those of you out there who are going through something similar, trust me, there is hope. It may not feel like it now, but there is. Never ever give up.
So yeah, that’s me! Beth, aged 15. But now I’m hopeful. Surrounded. Together.